soooooooo...
last monday, or tuesday, i don't remember, but mommy took one of those pregnancy tests, and the little line showed up, and there was much rejoicing!!! yesterday (sunday) morning, mom woke up and was bleeding a little. so she went into the doctors and they did some bloodwork and told her to come back in tomorrow (tuesday) so they can do a bit more and know for sure what's happening. well its gotten heavier ever since, soooo i mean, we don't really need the bloodwork to know mom had a miscarriage.
and gosh, it's just kinda weird, because i know i was just talking to mairead and had posted on here about how we'd been so blest never to have had one before, and suddenly, we're in that group too, which is apparently quite a few women.
and its so much harder than i expected it to be... i mean we'd known this little baby for all of five or six days, and its terrible. the hardest part, for me at least, is looking at the three girls and knowing how much i love them and how much we all would have loved this baby, and now it seems like all that love is gone almost...
and i know it's not. but...still.
anyways, we named the baby John Steven. Kelly was set on calling the baby John from the minute she heard about him and John also happens to be the name of Brian's brother who died. And Steve of course is Mommy's brother who died and so now our brother, John Steven is in heaven too, with a pretty amazing Uncle to look after him...lucky guy. And that is a blessing, having a sibling in heaven. And mom said if it turned out he was a she, her name can just be Johana Stephanie or something.
soooo we still haven't told the girls yet, and its so sad, kelly was saying today how she's gonna color all these pictures for baby John and Katie yesterday had asked when was baby Mary coming. and then i was looking at books online today for litte kids when things like this happen and one was
We Were Going to Have a Baby, but Had an Angel Instead and it's just ...
but ya know. life is icky sometimes. and we have been so incredibly blest. and like the priest said at mass on Sunday, God's ways are not our own. so we're all trusting in Him, and i think we're all already becoming closer because of this, and we've got John praying for us too, which is totally wicked awesome.
but my stupid picture isn't uploading and i don't know why!!! and i really like it too!!!
be back in a week!!! and then it's time for my favoritest place in the world!!!! but i'll save the song 'til that post, and ohmigosh do i have the best picture and website to go along with that post EVER!!!
